The other day was a good day, in fact it was better than good. To quote the damn vet, “It can’t get no goooder” Yes, I said gooder. And yes, I called him the “damn vet”. In fact that is what he refers to himself as. They don’t get any gooder than him. The Man, The Myth, The Legend. Dr. Randy Walstrum. I can remember my first encounter with this man, in fact he was lying on the ground telling a tale of pushing in a prolapse.

Have you ever experienced the 3 handed prolapse miracle? For those of you unaccustomed to the “prolapse”, this is when the uterus of a cow finds its way on the outside of the body. It is usually due to prolonged pushing and straining. Occasionally there may be a rectal prolapse, where the lining of the rectum is protruding out, but in most cases, it is a uterine prolapse. And you usually find it on day 3, when it is good and hard and crusty. Typically the size of a basketball. And you are then tasked with putting a basketball back in through the size of a baseball. Yup, hard crusty non pliable firmness of a basketball through a baseball size hole. Kinda like watching a Saint Bernard squeeze through the cat door. Not to mention you only have two hands, and always need the third. Hence the 3 handed prolapse miracle. In times like these, we must use our head…… literally, or a foot, or the hip, or whatever else you can muster, because as you are shoving it in, she is naturally pushing it back out. After what seems like an eternity, or usually an hour, then you have to stitch it up so she won’t prolapse again. Hence, the 3rd hand. YOU don’t dare take your hand off the inserted prolapse, that would look something like an unexpected jack in the box explosion. So while you, at the very least hold it all in with one hand, you use the other hand, your teeth, and possibly a good dog to begin the stitching. Most of the time this happens at night, when it is freezing cold, and you have minimal facilities and light. But it is also followed by a good laugh and dead truck battery 🙂

Sorry for the side track, but you needed to understand the complexity of the prolapse in order to fully appreciate why Dr. Walstrum was laying on the floor while telling this story. As his story went on he got to the punch line which had to do with, “as he was crawling around on the ground with the prolapse, Mr. snake was crawling around with him.” You can see where I am going with this….. Anyways this was my first damn vet encounter. I quickly became enamored with him. His ways. His stories, but most importantly his wisdom. This man has probably forgotten more about cattle than I can hope to even learn at the end of my tenure here on earth. When we get to preg check or bangs vaccinate, or test bulls, I anxiously wait for his early morning squeeze. Only to be followed by some sort of cow limerick and of course the famous box of doughnuts. I often times find myself looking up to his prophesizing like a child hearing “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” for the first time. I’m pretty sure about this next statement, that had I met Dr. Walstrum in my formidable years, I probably would have followed the notion to become a cow vet. I often think “what if I just went back to school…”. He makes cow vetting look so cool. Dressed in his hunter green coveralls, with flecks of cow pies as its adornments. Cow vetting is where it’s at. Not to mention how his swagish alligator forceps holds up his OB glove and his non pregging hand is kept warm by a mitten. This man has got it figured out. And he is the 3 handed miracle. He can preg, vaccinate, worm, run the shoot, tell a story all while never getting a cow pie caught between his teeth. All the while yelling “good” or “open” chalking the less fortunate and smiling in between. Oozing with awesome. I must say, next to calving season and branding season, preg checking day is one of my faves!

Dr. Walstrum, you my friend are the man, the myth, the legend. You are who great poets write about and young aspiring vets look up too. And your wit, smile, and love for what you do is contagious. I’m not sure you know just how much of an inspiration you have been to me in the short while I have known you, but you truly are the one and only, might I add and the coolest Damn Vet!​