Well, it’s been a while since I’ve visited my cowboy telling ways. Now I need to preface this, with the confession that I have been writing this blog in my head for almost 2 months. Mainly trying to conjure up a way to tell this cowboy tale, but still keep it somewhat P.C. Now if you familiarize yourself with the bovine type, you can relate when I say, P.C. and cowboys really don’t exist. So at the expense of always keeping it real and in this case, moderately correct here we go……
****Disclaimer****
Ladies and Gents, I make you a shamefully degrading confession- if you find yourself devoid of a sense of humor, read on. Week of stomach, skip on by. Take yourself too serious, I beg you, for all things cow, tune in next time. But if you need a good laugh, can see humor in somewhat inappropriate or rather embarrassing topics, and understand that when your “talking” cattle anything GOES, this my friends is for you.
Cowboy dinner time conversations. Well really they are anytime conversations. Morning, noon, and night. 5:30 am or 11pm. They can happen at any ole time. And they happen at the dinner table, lunch time restaurant, heck I bet they have even happen in church. If you are of the cow, livestock, or any of the above type I am sure you have experienced these conversations I am getting too. And most times they happen with no regard given to present company, the table sitting beside you, or the age level of the company within ear shot.
A few weeks ago we met some dear friends for dinner. Found ourselves at a local brewery- public dining establishment to be exact. It was buzzing with your normal folk- not your cattle type folk. This said brewery resides in a College town- you following me. We sat, peeked at the menu, and as all livestock rearing folks do, jumped right into conversing breeding seasons, conception rates, preg testing, etc. Mid way through the conversation, the waiter showed up, we paused long enough to order, and picked up right where we left off.
The tale begins here………The waiter’s poor face when he walked up and heard “So how many did you get bred this year?” Now most of us would pay no attention to this and would simply respond with something like, “Oh we bred up good- 95%” But follow me if you will- no understanding of livestock-ology “bred up” and 95% sound like a ……… I will let you use your imagination!
When the real chuckle set in was as the conversation progressed into vaccinations, diseases, and mishaps. It’s nothing for a cowboy to pipe up with “You have (insert most embarrassing highly transmittable disease)” and by “you” he is referring to said livestock. And as the other party converser you know exactly who the “you” is. But to the table of white eyed college students behind us, “you” means “you” as in the human counterpart sitting across the table from you. I couldn’t help myself. Laughing. Spitting soda out the nose. I looked at the Cow Boss, and ever so slightly encouraged him to be a might bit quieter and possibly a bit more…….. descriptive, specific, even use the livestock species, when saying “you” as in referring to the livestock herd.
Now maybe I am the only one who finds this funny, well really the humor is in those who feel the need to eaves drop on a Cowboy conversation. You will most definitely get more than you bargain for- nothing is off limits. Dinner time conversations include all of the above and not to mention the occasional prolapse fixing, bull semen testing, mastitis treating, foot rot dealing, pink eye bulging, scabies dripping, cow tale.
So to all my ranch ladies, friends, and foe- if you ever find yourself at a “Cow” table be prepared for “anything goes” and be sure you have your sense of humor with ya. And for those of you who happen upon one of these said conversations- well………..you have two choices, pull up a chair and join in or…….. I’m sorry!
As always stay in the middle!
XOXO- 2A Ranch Wife
